Bygone

Tell me it is normal to feel what I'm feeling now (couldn't describe it in words) to see someone once so important in my life moving onto another phase without me. I'm sure this will pass...... UGH bored stiff at home, and the weather is bad. I need a beer!

Its The Trip

Less than 14 days left, I'm having mixed emotions. I'm beginning to feel the apprehension and fear of having to start anew with someone I barely know, in a foreign country, an unfamiliar environment. I guess it is normal to feel like this because after all I'm a girl and I've been so dependent on my friends and family. Been so comfortable in my bubble all my life then suddenly I have to pop and step out of it... It'll be absolutely tough!

Oh well a little research on shopping in Athlone made me feel slightly better, think Zara, Topshop, Accessorize and H&M! I hope this phase will pass as quickly as it came - let the trench coat and boots excite me! I'm going to picnic by the lakes, roll on the grass and spam everyone on Facebook with my photo uploads notifications! ;)

I didn't sign up for dramas.

Study date with Val & Ryan this afternoon followed by Where Got Ghosts with V in the night. The movie was really bad... I had to leave halfway through! On the bus home, my hairclip slipped and dropped through my fingers and it was gone for good. I search and looked for it under my seat and around it, but I cannot find it! That's when I realized that some things are just not meant to be. No matter how close it was to you, if it is not yours, it will never be...

What's next?

Life isn't fair because we can't have the best of both worlds. Choices choices choices, we make choices everyday and every choice affects the way we live our life. Should I drink Orange/Mango Juice? Should I Leave/Stay? Should I choose Friends/Family?

It is so tough trying to please everyone. Would you go to the extent of going against your wishes just to please your family? Then what if you DID go against them yet they are still unhappy? Life would totally be sad. Family & Parents - often pinning hopes and expectations beyond our capabilities. They always say "it's good for you", but do they really know what we want?

OSIP Launch this morning, and I am feeling rather excited to pack and go. I feel so exhausted and drained in Singapore. I guess a new environment beyond my comfort zone is what I really need now.

Random facts at random time!

Some random facts you know/do not know abt me...

1. I prefer sitting on the left seat of a vehicle.
2. I have never lighted a lighter.
3. I have a phobia of thunder & silence.
4. I am super lazy, I could couch all day not doing anything productive.
5. I cannot tell if a boy is interested in me until he tells me straight in my face (HAHA).

When we were so young, wild and free

I was telling Junyang and Esther this afternoon that I couldn't take it anymore. Constantly feeling depressed in school and waking up to nothing every morning. I do not look forward to anything, not even Ireland. Stuck in this vicious cycle of school, tutorials, and reports, I am so sick of this mundane life. Not blessed with awesome classmates like Vmay & Yanjun, only classmates & strangers, I hated my 3 years in Temasek Polytechnic. I cannot take it I need a drink.

On a happier note, I'm eating Beach Rd Prawn Mee & visiting Da Vinci later!

Girls ain't fruits yo!

Boy 1: So do you like girl 1?
Boy 2: I do... No I don't....
Boy 1: So do you like girl 1 or girl 2?!!
Boy 2: I don't know! Why can't I have them both? Just like fruits, I like both papaya and rambutan!
Boy 1: Because girls aren't fruits! All you have to do is CHOOSE!

I got this from Fighting Spiders and at that instant, it struck me.

tears like diamonds on the floor

On my way to school on the sardine packed bus this morning, the news reported that Singapore has 599 H1N1 cases but fortunately zero death. With the number increasing rapidly, why aren't the schools closed? I'm not being selfish here - wanting more holidays. I am really worried for my health! The buses to school are always packed and this morning I was stuck in the middle of 2 coughing aunties! I don't wanna be the one to increase the 599 cases to 600! D:

Poncho, twin bicycle and rain don't go well together but who cares?! Instead of epic failure, we had truckloads of fun. It was just what I needed to chase away the Monday blues.

On a random note: After talking to a couple of classmates and friends, they have all come into a conclusion of me. Materialistic & Superficial. It was then I realised that they treated my realistic thoughts as being material. What is wrong with choosing Bread over Love?

Life is a climb.

I had my last midsem paper today. Frankly I do not treat midsem tests seriously because tests to me, are never comparable to exams. I think in my weird ways, and maybe thats why my results are always Bs and not As.

Watched Hannah Montana The Movie today and I would totally love to live in a small town, own a farmhouse, a horse and a couple of chickens & cows..... So what if there ain't Malls, Starbucks and the Internet? I would rather be stripped off all my current responsibilites and worries. Yeah, I am running away from reality, but who doesn't? Hmm travelled a quarter of Singapore today - from Temasek Polytechnic to Plaza Sing, to Cathay back to Plaza Sing, then to the Marina Barrage, to the Henderson Waves then to the Rocher Tauhuey, and lastly home.

Lastly, I told a lie tonight and I do not enjoy lying. If only you can accept me for who I am, and accept my friends for who they are, there will be no need for lies. All I ever wanted is your support, but have you ever tried making an effort to understand me? Sadly, NO!

We were once so close but you hardly know me now....

Goodbye

Even though I wasn't close to him during our 2 years in class, I was greatly affected by how life can be this fragile. We could lose our lifes anytime, anywhere. And to think that I'm going through this, losing a friend and seeking closure, for the fucking 5th time... It is really tough.

I really hate how life is playing us, and I think St Hilda's is cursed.

SHOOO KEWT WORZZXX!

I had a talk last night with V and I think it is the reason causing me to hold back so much. So I am going to heed the love guru's advice and see how it goes. Going to start now, it is DO or DIE! Hahahahahah okay toddles people! Time for some icecreammm! Yumm ;)

What?

I got home at around 12ish last night, slept at 3ish and woke up at 10 for tuition. As I was trying to shelther myself under my pathetic small umbrella in the massive rain while walking to the kid's place, I was pondering if this is the life I want to have. Study, work, work and sleep deprived. I constantly feel so drained and tired, and I really don't know if I am doing the right thing- pushing myself to the limit and hope that I won't break down....................... I can feel the stretch.



UGHHHHH I secretly hope that its 21st Dec 2012 tomorrow!

things got so compliqué

I dreamt about the past last night. It wasn't bad but not good either, more like unhealthy... Flashbacks and memories sent chills down my spine, wasn't I over you already?! I don't want to cling onto the past, but its not my fault that all these memories are etched in my heart and mind. I guess it is natural for everyone to remember their first, and sadly I'm no exception.

Enough of emotional talk, I've been very domesticated over the last 2 days. I cooked and I baked (HAHAHA this will add 2 more virtues to my "list"!!).

I made Vanilla cupcakes with chocolate filling and lemon butter icing today, sounds good no? ;)

Photos from Malaysia, not alot because I visited the kampung aka slums area. The prices there were ridculously cheap, but the area was not to mention, dirty. However, the beach was quite a scene though, unlike Singapore's fake sand beaches.

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.

Happiness

1. Characterized by good luck; fortunate.
2. Enjoying, showing, or marked by pleasure, satisfaction, or joy.
3. Being especially well-adapted; felicitous: a happy turn of phrase.
4. Cheerful; willing: happy to help.
5. Characterized by a spontaneous or obsessive inclination to use something. Often used in combination: trigger-happy.
6. Enthusiastic about or involved with to a disproportionate degree. Often used in combination: money-happy; clothes-happy.

That's the definition of Happiness in dictionary.com. Happiness is generic and self-defined, what makes me happy may not necessarily makes you happy. We all live with the objective of being happy; but our lives are all different and yet the same. "Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy -- because we will always want to have something else or something more." I totally agree with it! So my theory is, Happiness equates Contentment.

So here's a list of things which contribute to my Happiness.

• Finding a seat in a crowded mrt/bus when you are dead tired.
• Getting to pee after holding them for the longest time ever.
• Satisfying my random food cravings- Chocolate, Starbucks, Cakes, Ice cream etc (yes I have a sweet tooth)
  
• Waking up to breakfast on the dining table.
• Waking up without alarms buzzing the shit outta me.
• Opening a fridge full of food.
• Spending quality time with my ♥ ones.
• Appreciating my family for making the effort to make me happy.
• Listening to my favourite song on the radio- like what are the chances lah!
• Watching tv on my couch whole day long.
• Applying aloe vera gel on my sunburnt skin.
• Shopping must have a spot in this list.
• Waking up to money on my table.
• Buying stationaries and books- Colourful Pens, Pretty Notebooks etc (I can spend hours in a bookstore).
• Baking pastries and Cooking.
• Freeeeeeeee/discounted stufff! Like who won't be happy huh?

Okay, that's all I can think of now, toddles and stay happy! ;)

What more can I say?

Examinations are evil. They induced stress and directly caused pimples, dark rings, eye bags and split ends to appear! I plucked out a strand of my hair which has split ends, ONE strand into THREE ends! Thats not the end, the ultimate bomb is when you are undergoing PMS during the examination period. It doubles the stress and pimples, with the addition of cramps. And therefore, double dosage of caffaine and chocolates will be needed but it will directly increase the outbreak of pimples and split ends. This is a vicious cycle, life's not fair.

Meanwhile, all I can do is.....

I'm not that kind of girl.

People have been asking me how will I spend my Valentine's Day and I often surprise them with my answer, "I have a date with my driving instructor" - driving lessons! I don't celebrate 14Feb, attached or not. Valentine's Day is overrated and overly commercialized, and I hate crowd - imagine seeing lovey dovey couple everywhere! I cannot remember how I spent my vday when I was attached - that shows how insignificant it was, and I'd rather spend it with a few of my girlfriends/good friends, than on a date. Going out with a dude on vday was way off, it somehow gives the wrong impression, no?

Okay, gtg get ready! Bye! :)

There comes a point in your life, when you’re officially an adult. Suddenly, you’re old enough to vote, drink and engage in other adult activities. Suddenly, people expect you to be responsible, serious, a grown-up. We get taller, we get older. But do we ever really grow up?

What will my life be in 10 years time? My future is so bleak. What if I couldn't make it to a University? I'll graduate from Temasek Polytechnic in 2010 with a mediocre Diploma. What do I have to make myself stand out in job interviews? Nothing! At the age of 28, it is most ideal to settle down with your partner, but will I? I cannot tolerate committment; I have issues. What will I be doing then? Still bumming around, playing? I've been single for God-knows-how-long and I really am enjoying it. But I am so afraid, that it'll become a habit. Too comfortable with I, Me and Mine, forgetting how it feels like to be We, He and Us.

Compared to my sister, her life is so organised. With a Degree in hand, a stable job and relationship, what am I compared to her? I have none of what she has. I feel so incompetent.

Like what many would say, "don't think so far, just take it as it comes", but we are living for the future aren't we? Everything we do now is for the future, like a foundation. Ever since we were born, our life is already pretty much planned. How many years of education and stuff like that, they are already decided and we have no say in it.

Then again, I'm still young. I should be enjoying my life, but at the same time, work hard for my so-called 'future'. So now, I'm going to hit the books. And after my paper on Thursday, I'm going to make my December Break a blast! :)

Overwhelmed by YOU

I was a total stalker tonight and thank God I did. I couldn't believe he is such a dude, doing all those things and all. My face went warm and my heartbeat increased when I read the entry. She couldn't be lying, why would she? Like what Verena said, when it comes to such things, we can only believe the girl. I am truly overwhelmed and taken back by you and all the boys in the world. You stinky smelly disgusting boys who only want ONE thing - SEX.

Everything you boys do are for SEX. Even if it means bedding the ugliest girl in the world, if you need it, you'll do it. You will just do it. To satisfy yourself, to get back at your ex girlfriend who dumped you, or simply to make yourself feel good.

I am really disappointed, I thought you were different and I won't deny that I am sad after reading that entry. You were someone significant, you were someone whom I'll specially manually check and save your contact whenever I change phone, you were someone whose text will brighten up my day and makes me giggle for no apparent reason, you were someone whom I thought I'll never forget, but everything is different now. I should have heed advice and not sink so deeply into this.

I should have...

Ever ever after?

Ever ever after? Does it really exist? After seeing Charmaine Tan and Matthew Wee's facebook (ahh yes I stalk, so what?), they gave me chills down my spine. They have been together since we were Sec 3 (2005?) and they are still oh-so-loving now. I really wonder what is their relationship built on? Mutual emotional foundation, like trust and love? Sexual desires, to satisfy their needs? Or materialistic reality? Hah seems like its the first though. People like them can certainly last.. Ahh whatever! It always suck seeing couples everywhere whenever you head town with your girlfriend. It annoys me to see people like whoever and whoever getting attached but not me because it always gets me thinking, "WTF WHY PEOPLE LIKE THEM CAN GET ATTACHED BUT I CAN'T?!" Sorry but I'm not dying to be attached (I love being single!), its just the feeling I have - inferiority. Like what I told D, this is just a phase I have to get over with.

All the flu, pms, jab and pills are making me so groggy and retarded now.

It ends tonight

I just came home from work and I am soooo drained! My head hurts like a bitch and my stomach has been queasy since forever!

Something random here - one feature I love about Wordpress is the ability to know how people get to your blog, like through referrals, or search engines. And the most most most awesome thing is, they will show you what people typed in search engines to get to your blog. I've got pretty amazing and shocking results and they never fail to amuse me. HAHA :D

The bus ride home was terrible! I really really cannot stand people who blast their handphone music loudly in the bus. Like hello, the bus isn't yours so get a fucking ear piece! I thought about some stuff on the way back, I'm very amazed by how people can pick themselves up so quickly and move on after a broken relationship - I am not saying anyone in particular, just in general. Amazed by how they can readily commit in another relationship, and how they can use the word love so quickly again. I am truly amazed (no sarcasm involved) because I know I can't. I cannot bring myself to commit and to love, because I am still not ready.