HomeSick.

Sudden decision to look at all my photos in iPhoto and Facebook made me real miserable now. In my 5 weeks here, I have never missed home so much compared to now. I have the urge to fly home, hug my family and start calling everyone! I miss ICC's icecream and company a lot, I miss my Vs, I miss my bunch of girlfriends, I miss Ryan, I miss my family, I miss Singapore's warmth. I am fucking depressed and the fucking cold weather ain't helping. UGH

ON a random note, I've got a Tumblr account because I figured out my blog has more photos than words. Follow me here!

Its The Trip

Less than 14 days left, I'm having mixed emotions. I'm beginning to feel the apprehension and fear of having to start anew with someone I barely know, in a foreign country, an unfamiliar environment. I guess it is normal to feel like this because after all I'm a girl and I've been so dependent on my friends and family. Been so comfortable in my bubble all my life then suddenly I have to pop and step out of it... It'll be absolutely tough!

Oh well a little research on shopping in Athlone made me feel slightly better, think Zara, Topshop, Accessorize and H&M! I hope this phase will pass as quickly as it came - let the trench coat and boots excite me! I'm going to picnic by the lakes, roll on the grass and spam everyone on Facebook with my photo uploads notifications! ;)

What's next?

Life isn't fair because we can't have the best of both worlds. Choices choices choices, we make choices everyday and every choice affects the way we live our life. Should I drink Orange/Mango Juice? Should I Leave/Stay? Should I choose Friends/Family?

It is so tough trying to please everyone. Would you go to the extent of going against your wishes just to please your family? Then what if you DID go against them yet they are still unhappy? Life would totally be sad. Family & Parents - often pinning hopes and expectations beyond our capabilities. They always say "it's good for you", but do they really know what we want?

OSIP Launch this morning, and I am feeling rather excited to pack and go. I feel so exhausted and drained in Singapore. I guess a new environment beyond my comfort zone is what I really need now.

Do you wanna be my study buddy?

So I got my Macbook last night all thanks to my dearest sister. What can I say? She is the best sister I can ever ask for and no I'm not saying this because of all these treats and surprises. Always there for me whenever I needed someone, be it a relationship gone bad or a fight with the parents. Always there giving me the best advices and comfort I could ever ask for... I love so her much! Alright I've yet to name my macbook, any ideas? :)

When we were so young, wild and free

I was telling Junyang and Esther this afternoon that I couldn't take it anymore. Constantly feeling depressed in school and waking up to nothing every morning. I do not look forward to anything, not even Ireland. Stuck in this vicious cycle of school, tutorials, and reports, I am so sick of this mundane life. Not blessed with awesome classmates like Vmay & Yanjun, only classmates & strangers, I hated my 3 years in Temasek Polytechnic. I cannot take it I need a drink.

On a happier note, I'm eating Beach Rd Prawn Mee & visiting Da Vinci later!

The person falling here is me.

yea v, school's a drag, i cannot wait for school to end! as i was telling ryan, it's really hard trying to juggle school, work, social life and health. one of them will be affected and in my case, its my health. i think my sister passed her virus to me, i don't feel good at all. watched sunshine cleaning with the icc bunch and i enjoyed the movie. i'm still feeling sore for not being able to catch that pink carebear from tm's arcade.... hmmm interesting observation made by ryan, he said i tend to space out/stone/emo after 9pm, and i think its true know!

Make a better place

Watching the MJ memorial now.... He is a legend who managed to withstand years and obstacles, and I'm sure he will be remembered for his greatness! Rest In Peace MJ!

My 19th is in 2 days time and I'm not feeling a least bit of excitment. I've already got THE birthday present (DKNY watch!!!!!) so what more can I ask for? I'm only looking forward to spending time with my girls, AHHHH AM I TURNING GAYY?!! hahahhahahahahaha :DDD


PS: Happy 20th Ronald Koh! ;)

Ready, set, go?

I can't live without....

1. my family!
2. my Vs.
3. my girls.
4. my mother's home-cooked soup.

So is 3 months in the faraway Ireland still a wise choice? HMMM

tears like diamonds on the floor

On my way to school on the sardine packed bus this morning, the news reported that Singapore has 599 H1N1 cases but fortunately zero death. With the number increasing rapidly, why aren't the schools closed? I'm not being selfish here - wanting more holidays. I am really worried for my health! The buses to school are always packed and this morning I was stuck in the middle of 2 coughing aunties! I don't wanna be the one to increase the 599 cases to 600! D:

Poncho, twin bicycle and rain don't go well together but who cares?! Instead of epic failure, we had truckloads of fun. It was just what I needed to chase away the Monday blues.

On a random note: After talking to a couple of classmates and friends, they have all come into a conclusion of me. Materialistic & Superficial. It was then I realised that they treated my realistic thoughts as being material. What is wrong with choosing Bread over Love?

HMM

Morning sunshine Singapore! I'll be leaving for Bintan in a couple of hours..... Funny why I don't feel excited or happy about it, & I wonder why.

Goodbye

Even though I wasn't close to him during our 2 years in class, I was greatly affected by how life can be this fragile. We could lose our lifes anytime, anywhere. And to think that I'm going through this, losing a friend and seeking closure, for the fucking 5th time... It is really tough.

I really hate how life is playing us, and I think St Hilda's is cursed.

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.

Happiness

1. Characterized by good luck; fortunate.
2. Enjoying, showing, or marked by pleasure, satisfaction, or joy.
3. Being especially well-adapted; felicitous: a happy turn of phrase.
4. Cheerful; willing: happy to help.
5. Characterized by a spontaneous or obsessive inclination to use something. Often used in combination: trigger-happy.
6. Enthusiastic about or involved with to a disproportionate degree. Often used in combination: money-happy; clothes-happy.

That's the definition of Happiness in dictionary.com. Happiness is generic and self-defined, what makes me happy may not necessarily makes you happy. We all live with the objective of being happy; but our lives are all different and yet the same. "Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy -- because we will always want to have something else or something more." I totally agree with it! So my theory is, Happiness equates Contentment.

So here's a list of things which contribute to my Happiness.

• Finding a seat in a crowded mrt/bus when you are dead tired.
• Getting to pee after holding them for the longest time ever.
• Satisfying my random food cravings- Chocolate, Starbucks, Cakes, Ice cream etc (yes I have a sweet tooth)
  
• Waking up to breakfast on the dining table.
• Waking up without alarms buzzing the shit outta me.
• Opening a fridge full of food.
• Spending quality time with my ♥ ones.
• Appreciating my family for making the effort to make me happy.
• Listening to my favourite song on the radio- like what are the chances lah!
• Watching tv on my couch whole day long.
• Applying aloe vera gel on my sunburnt skin.
• Shopping must have a spot in this list.
• Waking up to money on my table.
• Buying stationaries and books- Colourful Pens, Pretty Notebooks etc (I can spend hours in a bookstore).
• Baking pastries and Cooking.
• Freeeeeeeee/discounted stufff! Like who won't be happy huh?

Okay, that's all I can think of now, toddles and stay happy! ;)

Dull

I caught a cold, my nose is runny and I feel so exhausted. Recently, I am so different and I've got a feeling it is because of that night. Bad stuff, I feel like a social retard (again!). For the last few days, I went home straight after school, slept and become a tv addict in the night till late. I lost the urge to go online, to blog, to chat, to be involved in any social activities. Save meeeeeeeeeeeeee! Anyhow, I've got 2 presentations tomorrow, one test on Friday then it will be preparations for examinations! I cannot wait for March, because it will be THE month! :)

Too bad all my dearests will be leaving on a jet plane in March. One to Manila, one to Aussie, one to Vietnam, one to Taiwan and I'm left alone in SG. Sighhhhhhhhhhh making me oh-so-blue instantly.

:(

I am going to fail my first test in my 2 years in Polytechnic. There goes my GPA. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!

---

The mother: OMG look at your thighs!! -points and exclaim!!- YOU ARE SO FAT!
The daughter: -sighhhhhhhhhh-

Like mother like daughter. How can I ever be skinnnayyyeee again!

Pensive

Last night was traumatizing. It was one of the worst crying nights of my life after god-knows-when. I skipped lecture this morning because there is no way I can go school with huge puffy red eyes.

I don't think I will ever be the same again.

My Prerogative?

Don't they realised that the more you restrict someone/something, the more likely they will rebel and do something worst? Haha don't worry people I won't do anything foolish and it is not the time to carry out the worst and wildest plan. The right time will come soon, and I'm sure they are going to regret trapping me now. I am already feeling so excited thinking about my plans (:

Human Nature

My CNY have officially ended and its back to reality - tests and submissions! Sad, I know. It is damn annoying and I just can't whine enough! I came home at 5am this morning and woke up at 11ish when my uncle came over to my place. No joke, bloody tired. I still have a test to study for and a reflection journal to write! WHAT THE HELL RIGHT!

This isn't a pleasant CNY because I saw the fugliest side of human nature. Disturbing is an understatement of what I feel but I believe all these 'exposures' simply made me grow and mature. I learnt so much in this CNY - I lost some but I definitely gained more - people are greedy and selfish, and the amount of money you collect during CNY isn't important, what's most important is the thought of giving and the respect you have.

PS: F you Verena Lin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are so going to DIE!

R&R

Year 2008 had been one hell of a year. Everything passed like a breeze and I'm glad it is one of my best years yet - minus all the scandalous shit. So let's see what I've done/accomplished in year 2008 - uh huh I'm straining my brain now, I can barely rmbr stuff.

1. dated


2. clubbed


3. camped


4. zoukout


5. bangkok


6. & hell lot of awesome friends

So here are some of the photos, for memory sake.

My 18th at Timbre SubStation with the best girlfriends!

Ver's 18th - Look at how black I was!

Hulbert's helmat, after first experience in Zouk, hah I nearly pass out in the toilet!

All blue day in Vivo!

Private sale with JESSSSSSSSS!

Laguna with ver! Steammm Rooooooom!!

Toria's 18th suprise partyy!!

Yanjun's 18th in Waraku!!

Zoukout 08 in Siloso Beach!

Bestest class in Temasek!

Bestest groupmates in Temasek!

Favourite Floorball Girls!

The last day of year 08

Happy 18th to my dearest Bernie and Eunice Lew! Woah finally you girls are joining the 18 club. Last night was drama after drama, too much for me to handle pushing me to my extreme, forcing tears down my cheeks. Anyway school has OFFICIALLY started today and OHMYGOD my January 09 is already packed/booked. Play now, work later - 1st Jan 09. Went to ver's place for some Wii actions this afternoon, got eun and I so tensed and stressed up. Oh I sold my Ipod Nano to one gentleman who greatly impressed me.

There comes a point in your life, when you’re officially an adult. Suddenly, you’re old enough to vote, drink and engage in other adult activities. Suddenly, people expect you to be responsible, serious, a grown-up. We get taller, we get older. But do we ever really grow up?

What will my life be in 10 years time? My future is so bleak. What if I couldn't make it to a University? I'll graduate from Temasek Polytechnic in 2010 with a mediocre Diploma. What do I have to make myself stand out in job interviews? Nothing! At the age of 28, it is most ideal to settle down with your partner, but will I? I cannot tolerate committment; I have issues. What will I be doing then? Still bumming around, playing? I've been single for God-knows-how-long and I really am enjoying it. But I am so afraid, that it'll become a habit. Too comfortable with I, Me and Mine, forgetting how it feels like to be We, He and Us.

Compared to my sister, her life is so organised. With a Degree in hand, a stable job and relationship, what am I compared to her? I have none of what she has. I feel so incompetent.

Like what many would say, "don't think so far, just take it as it comes", but we are living for the future aren't we? Everything we do now is for the future, like a foundation. Ever since we were born, our life is already pretty much planned. How many years of education and stuff like that, they are already decided and we have no say in it.

Then again, I'm still young. I should be enjoying my life, but at the same time, work hard for my so-called 'future'. So now, I'm going to hit the books. And after my paper on Thursday, I'm going to make my December Break a blast! :)